Using Jesus’ Language for Sexual Intercourse

It is with some regret that my wife, Sheryl (a lay lady teacher in women’s ministry), and I have started this blog, the official blog of the American League of Soft Complementarians. We will share our life in ministry and the different but complementary roles given to us by God without capitulating to The Feminists.

But why?

After Jared Wilson spoke about colonizing, conquering, penetrating and planting his wife, Complementarianism was rent asunder. Complementarianism is not monolithic and my fragrant wife and I really do appreciate that Jared, Pastor Randy Hawk and the then proto-National Association of Hard Complementarians are not supporting sexual violence against women and they (like all Complementarians) have no malicious intent towards women, wives or any Ladies of the Lord. We really do appreciate their genuine efforts to explain themselves and wholeheartedly acknowledge that they are better at “serving and protecting” his wife than the secular egalitarians. We recognize their explanations!

But our worry is that they are in danger of making Complemenatarianism appear to be a dangerous combination of Dr Nick and the Religion of the Turk. It hurts to think that The Complementarian Church in America has such divisions! But we acknowledge that Christ brought the sword as well as the ploughshare and we must reach out aggressively in love when our brothers (and sometimes sisters!) err in Christ, admonishing them with His Love.

We urge our Hard Complementarian brethren to follow the lead of Solomon in the Canticle of Canticles when he teaches us about what the male Israelite man, and ultimately the male Christian man, should do and say in the martial bed:

7.1 How graceful are your feet in sandals,
   O queenly maiden!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
   the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
   that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
   encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
   twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
   by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
   overlooking Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
   and your flowing locks are like purple;
   a king is held captive in the tresses.

But it is not just the First Dispensation – Our Lord urges us thusly too! As arguably the world’s leading former Soft Complementarian, Dr Michael Bird, wrote, “We should use Jesus’ language for sexual intercourse” thus confirming his conclusion: “Sex is What I do WITH my Wife, Not TO my Wife.

Yours in Him,




Dr J. R. Daniel Kirk has some thoughtful thoughts on the matter of sexual conquest.

A must read is Dr Scot McKnight on “sexiled, booty call, sexting, friends with benefits, and the walk of shame”.

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